My Mom's Here

Inspired by my father-in-law, I decided to rekindle the habit of reading a proverb a day. There was a really tough day for me two fridays ago, and I was wrestling with thoughts of doubt and fear, and kind of a "why do I need all this help?" ('All this' meaning, a nanny, a housekeeper, had to spend several weeks at my parents the last few months, having a BYOP (p is for party) for my son's dedication.) It's not that I have to much pride to need help, but it is tempting to think that if I DO need all this help, why am I even here? This is a debilitating thought, especially if left to ponder, and will formulate into a not-great day, at least. I needed to go this specific thought-trial to really understand the logic behind "For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds; Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivit...

I've come to the revelation that the more I am suffering, the better my prayer life and studying the Word is. Let's just say that I read the Word a lot today. The worse I feel, the more likely and frequently I am to turn to the Lord for help. I can tell a huge difference when I am relying on the Lord's strength compared with when I am relying on my own. My own: trying trying trying, doing doing doing, me me me, my my my, now now now The Lord: relying relying relying, grace grace grace, patience patience patience, abundance abundance abundance, praise praise praise Can we see who my God is when I am feeling great? Definitely not the Lord of Lords, King of Kings, Prince of Peace or Jehovah Jireh. Ok first commandment, I appreciate you now. I am totally putting myself and the "me" of trying and doing ahead of having a reliance and relationship with God. And I'm beginning to scratch the surface of James 1:2-4 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you ...

So . . . I have been searching for information about how to change my lifestyle and daily living now that we have found out that I have Myasthenia Gravis. I haven't found that much. So here is a few tips I learned today, if you now have the disease, and would like to go to a dressy function. I speak from experience! Today I was getting ready for my niece's baptism, which was very beautiful. While getting ready, I kept bumping up against things I would have done without thinking, hitting a wall and having to adjust. 1. Take a shower the night before. I made the mistake of waiting until this morning of the event to take a shower (figuring then I could blow out my hair all cute). I was able to do it, with a break after the shower, but in general, just washing my hair while taking a shower tires my arms out. Then, holding a hair drier and round brush to get through the hair was very taxing. At least my hair came out pretty good. 2. Find a mirror that you can walk right ...

So this morning I woke up feeling very good. It was an early morning wake up for my littlest, and he adorably smiled and bobbled with joy when he saw his early warm bottle. Just when you are drudging along in thought . . . "why does it have to be 4:45 and not later, and so chilly, and am I really still sick because I feel pretty good? . . ." God just sprinkles down some joyful crumbs of life. Like my cute bobbling with joy son. So . . . anyone? Is this the nature of the disease? Is it a flow of great days and a few not great, a balance of doing it, not doing it, and over doing it, and a waddle between them all? Or is this is more the nature of not knowing what kind of regimen to be on. "It" meaning life in general: daily living. From the other blogs I've been surfing through, it seems like this may be the nature of the disease.

Today I felt great when I woke up. I could talk and walk, and see remarkably better than in the past few months. I even have energy. I really tried to do more but not overdo it, so I brought my babysitter to the library with the children and went out. I made it to two stores, was able to eat, picked them up, and we're back home. Had a great nap and now off to eat again. I am very grateful. By whatever means God has used to show His mercy to me, I am praising Him! The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” Lamentations 3:22-24 You can head on over to Psalm 147 , as I have been continually meditating on. Especially with the snow coming in the next few days. What a great reminder!

This is kind of funny. I have a nanny for 2 kids and a house cleaner today. In my mind, I secretly made fun of people who need this kind of help. Usually families where both parents are doctors or in some high powered job where they don't have time for the kids and household. Then I prided myself that I was doing it on my own. Who needs help? Definitely not me! So I thought. (not to mention, I was not very good at housekeeping anyway.) How quick I was to pass judgements, not taking anyone's desires or family goals into consideration, I just judged judged judged. Where did my gratefulness go? The gratefulness that there was a time when I did not need help. Did I serve with willing hands? Whatever my hands found to do, did I do with all my might? Definitely not. I'm not going to sit here and condemn myself, but I will reflect quickly on how I did indeed take for granted that I had hands that could do work, take care of children and keep the household going to make...

We now have a name. A name of what this thing is that is causing my muscle weakness and fatigue. It is -infact- myasthenia gravis. Here we go! We're going to start with a small amount of steroid, and take it from there. I should have some kind of conclusion of how this treatment is working in about 10 days. I had an EMG yesterday . . . did you know that your muscle can be listened to? There was this tiny needle (I'm not a needle person) in the muscle between my thumb and index finger, and then we listened to it. This was after having these interesting shock sensations done to other muscles in my neck and arm, which gave some concrete evidence in a print out (looked like a bunch of sin curves to me) that I have MG (myasthenia gravis). I had to have this physical test done, because the blood-work that tested for different antibodies that work under the heading of MG all came back negative. So I have two kids under 3 but a lot of family support. Also, a lot of church fam...

There's this strange sensation when I feel like I'm at my limit physically. Then I take some medicine and it's as if a rod was put in my back to hold me up, and a vice around my waist to keep me from walking funny. Then I can chew, and swallow, and talk, and go from smile to frown easily. I can see well, and stay on the computer or cell phone for more than 20 minutes without my eyes getting tired. Take a pill. Sit on the couch. Close my eyes. What a funny place this world is. This body. A vessel created to spread the Word, and an available home to the Holy Spirit. I always thought I was whole. I had things together. ACtually, I felt lie I was an adult most of my teenage and twenties, and now looking back . . . I really didn't know what I was doing. Nor do I now know everything, but I do know some things. I need a serious vault of weapons for this one and drive to pray continuously. I need to get in a rut of prayer and supplication. Join me in reading Psalm...