Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Unfolding Parenting Appreciation

So, it is funny to me how so many successful adults do not appreciate how they were raised, and flee from their parents, both literally and communicatively. Aren't they now successful adults? Do they think they got there totally alone? I'm pretty sure that many parent's goal is to help their children become successful adults (for whatever definition they find success to have). I find it unsettling that our 5 month daughter now NEEDS us 24/7 and one day might flee from us. I guess that's not our main concern with parenting. I hope for her to be rooted in the Word of God and ambitious to achieve her personal best in whatever field(s) she chooses.

I know to my in laws it appears that I am a hater of sports - if she excels in sports, that would be a field she chooses. Well, I don't really hate them, I just couldn't think of anything more boring to watch on TV and don't particularly have interest in the outcome. It's not really fun to feel mocked that I don't know how to score a Football game! "Food Network Star" - that's a different story. Mike and I practically make it an event within itself to watch FNS together on Sundays. Re-runs are on tomorrow night! We've made fine dining a nice little hobby - whether we watch it together on Food Network, go out for a nice meal (we're trying to date a few times a month), or me testing out new recipes in our own kitchen. We've totally stopped going out to eat, unless it's planned. (well, the weekend 99c Iced coffee from DD is a nice treat we have together - total change from Mike's daily Latte and Bagel he'd grab on his way to Residency- What a drain both on health and on our pockets. I am fully guilty as well.) We are going out tonight and it's a nice treat to look forward to. Amazing how going out earlier was totally taken for granted!

As my husband is off reading Echocardiograms and learning the ins and outs of the heart, I am trying to get the house under control. When we moved here, he was so incredibly busy, that we were totally trying to play catch-up. The house was never in a state where upkeep was only needed. We had to constantly bring it back to a state where it could be kept up in the little time we had, and never quite kept it there. Now my purpose is greater with Naomi, to not "watch Naomi" (as I used to blandly put it), but to Raise Naomi. As long as I can focus and raise her with a whole heart, I guess I would not need her appreciation when she is older to know I've done well. I wouldn't really be raising her for the right reasons if I did, would I? -As you can see, I'm stalling and not going to change the laundry. I find it therapeutic, though, to order my thoughts that race through me while doing housework. And who said housework was mindless . . .

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

New Bedtime More Ustime

We tried a new, earlier bedtime for Naomi last night. Seven seemed to be the buzz time we kept hearing from respected parents we know. She went to sleep until 8am! So, this led to a full evening of Mike and I getting to literally "hang out" together. I don't think I can remember the time when we last both had 5 hours together where we had to stay at the house. It was actually very enjoyable. Even though we just piddled the time away by getting sucked into "Take Home Nanny" and "John and Kate plus 8," it was nice to chime back and forth about our transitions, and of course, throw in a game of Cribbage.

Yet again, there was another medical analogy that Mike related to us, thistime about my uneasyness of sticking with a budget. This stemmed from me not ever being used to having good stewardship over my finances. I was never in a hole, but I also never really kept track. The day to "keep track" has come.

Mike brought up that this may be similar to this situation: Imagine I have lung cancer, and the DR says they need to remove my lung. My reaction would be, "remove my lung!?!?!?" . . . and floods of other negative thoughts. However, the DR is very excited at the prospect that removing my lung would benefit me, and remove the cancer from my body. I should be grateful that my lung CAN be removed, b/c there are very few types of lung cancers where removing the lung is a cure.

I was never really a big fan of having a budget, nonetheless sticking to one. However, I should totally be glad that we have means to have a budget to stick to. There I go, being ungrateful again, in my own little world. So glad we're back on track.

These little tidbits of talking may seem unnecessary, but they are some of the tidbits of life that we neglected while Mike was in Residency, tidbits that I am now cherishing. We used to live day to day, meal out to meal out and felt a sense of entitlement because "he works so hard." I am so glad we have both been convicted of our lack of stewardship over our finances, and that we are now getting back on track.

Www.foodnetwork.com is my new favorite stop for meal ideas. (Just made the peach crisp found on the "Secrets of a Restaurant Chef" - EXCELLENT!)I'm on a better schedule of not shopping when I'm bored, but by shopping when we need to buy presents or stuff. I'm not really bored b/c there are plenty of shirts that won't be brought to the cleaners. I'm soaking up all this time with Naomi during the day and ustime in the evenings. (Tonight I'm going out to AC More, though; got get Bridal Shower stuff!) Guys need the house to themselves once in a while.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Searching for Time to Fill Up

Hello - As I just caught myself sifting through ads of who needs services fulfilled on craigslist, I realized I was filling my time with nothingness while trying to find things to fill my time with for compensation. Who knows why. I'm here relaxing after a nice afternoon BBQ at our church. Maybe it's free time that I'm not sure what to do with, however, I do enjoy this mellow out time while the baby's sleeping.
So, speaking of compensation, I definately try to overcompensate for my husband's lax parenting style in public with this psychotic over protective mother parenting style. How embarassing! Last night we were out at Dave and Buster's with some single friends of ours from college. Yes, we brought our 4 1/2 month daughter along, figuring she'll sleep most of the time and we'll be home around 9 or 10, only a few hours past her bedtime. Heh heh . . . Yeah, we're young, we're cool, bringing our little baby out to some local hangout for yuppy teens, central for videogamers from the burbs, while half dressed dating folk zone out to skeeball and House of the Dead, and occasionally drift by the stroller and grab our daughter's cute cheek with one hand and juggle a cosmo in the other. "What a cute baby, oh isn't she cute . . . look honey (boyfriend of 2 hrs) look at the cute baby oh isn't her . . ." Meanwhile there is cleavage everywhere, from 12 year olds to Sex and the City aged women, while I'm concerned with discretely breastfeeding in a smelly overcrowded bathroom. Maybe we should hire a babysitter for these nights out. What a novel idea.
As I replayed the evening, I am repulsed by my thoughts and behavior. I am that fussy mother that wants every need of the baby met asap while concerned that she's going to have a seisure from all the stimulation while she's fighting sleep to see the next moving light or person giving her attention. A nice stream of worry is trickeling through every thought, and although it won't add an hour to my life, I'm holding on to it as though it is holding me up. Worry about the baby; Has that what I have taught myself to lean on? Or is it guilt - guilt that I was trying a new bedtime routine and now the plan of the week is foiled. Wow. Two totally negative ideas have taken center stage in my fun evening out.
After being bitter before going to bed, because, woe is me that had to deal with all this worry and guilt and mayhem, my husband and I had a very nice chat on the way to church this morning. He helped me put this into perspective and devise a better plan for when we want to go out and have fun: We were out with single friends. Two of which have been dating for 7 years and want to own a house before they get married, and eventually have lots of children. We are in the priviledged state that they hope to someday be in.
Mike relates this a lot to when he was in residency, working 90 hr weeks with 4 days off some months, and we would visit my cousin who is about the same age, relaxed, living at home with no known job and a free open schedule to workout and do odds and ends at his leasure. Mike would always come away from hanging out with him a little jealous, wanting to quit residency, be home all the time, and "not work." Now, step back for a minute. How many people get rejected from Medical School alone? And then get rejected from ivy league residency programs, which he was in at the time? My husband is very priviledged.
Why is it, that in our priviledged states we felt like princess Jasmine, who is "locked in her castle" only to play with her tiger and see the castle interior walls and fountains, longing for what's beyond? Where is that deep sense of appreciation that priviledges should come with? I would like to know how to best instill a desire in myself to appreciate things, circumstances, and especially people in my life. This would also be a great goal to instill in our daughter. I'm glad I'm picking up some appreciation to fill my time with this afternoon. It's refreshing to feel privlidged, blessed, and appreciative of life's encounters. I'll stop searching.
There's the perspective. The plan is simple: When we are out with single, childless friends, we're going to get a babysitter. That way, adult time is both conversationsal and the center of my thoughts throughout the night.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Sweet Baby

The swirls of thoughts I had planned on jotting down have escaped me. So, I'll tell you about the highlight of my week. My husband and I hired a babysitter and went out to a great Thai restaurant called Thai L'Elephant. What a great time to re-group and a nice chance to talk about what was going on with "us" as opposed to how many cute things Naomi did that day. Apparently, according to him, I was the one that kept bringing up subjects about the baby.

My husband just finished his residency and has begun fellowship. Three years ago, we moved away from our families after being married a year, and he entered into an ivy-league no bs Residency program. He usually had 4-6 days off a month, and there were times that we were grateful for him coming home "early" from a 20 hr shift as opposed to a 30 hr one. As a nice contrast, now he is only working 7 weekends out of the whole year, and basically on a 7-5 schedule. I used to plan on him staying at the hospital 1 out of every 4 nights. I would camp out on the bed with my laptop, HGTV on the tv, a snack, a drink, the cell and house phone, and my alarm set for work the next morning. It was my night to myself. Totally vegging. Every 4 days.

I am so grateful that we have every evening and night together now, but I have to admit it came with an adjustment period. This adjustment period began last month, when Naomi turned 4 months. My-time became our-time and the baby's-time. I started to go crazy - husband crazy - and baby crazy. My mom relates it to when my dad retired and started to teach her "how to boil water." My husband and I talked about this, trying to come up with reasons why: maybe I need to go back to work for my own sanity - maybe I'm lazy - maybe I have an iron deficiency and getting sick and that's why I need all these naps and don't get anything done - maybe I'm just out of shape - Maybe I have {some really long work that only Drs can say simply} - etc. We concluded that I just don't work well with a lot of unstructured space. This space could come in the form of time, chores, shopping, money management, et al.
So, he came up with "a room a day" plan for getting house stuff done with a different room for each day. It turns out, the list doesn't really take that much time, but gives me a heading and an altitude. Also, it has increased my diligence for doing my quiet time (where I read the Bible daily to receive any Word God would have for my life through it). We agreed that he would clean up from dinner each night if I put the baby to sleep. We have additionally planned a date night out each week and a family day out each week. Eventually, I will go out once a week also with a girlfriend, but we haven't executed that one yet. Maybe I'll go to the spa instead. Ahhh... that sounds relaxing.
I believe thoroughly that my husband is a gift from God to me and our family. He is "a leader with a gentle touch" as my precious moments mug states (evidently my name means that). I believe I am also, but in the workplace and as a leader for Naomi. It's so nice to have him as my stand-back-and-figure-me-out person. Calls a spade a spade but helps me come up with practical ways to get over myself. I'm glad I don't have that disease that I can't pronounce! So yeah, my title fits. He is. I have two of them.