Friday, February 4, 2011

Halfway Through a Peanut Butter Sandwich


So I can only eat half of my peanut butter & jelly sandwich, made the way Oma would, cut in triangles so there are no crust corners and all. I can't quite get through a small book for Naomi without my voice going out. I can't quite make it through a whole day with my two children alone. I have leaned steadily upon the Lord's strength, and several times been in much despair, because I haven't. There comes a point, like last night, when you want to rebel. For me it was throwing in the towel on the whole disease thing and making a good dinner inspired by Guy Fuiri's Crispy Potato Nugget Hoisen Halibut recipe. Turns out I drove myself crazy and my loving and strong husband led me back to the Psalms.

Woe is me, I am in despair. God is strong and can do immeasurably more than I can think.

Woe is me, I am having a rough time. God is sovereign and His grace abounds ever more.

Woe is me, I'm not really looking forward to another 2-3 months of a disease. God was here the last few months, before I was born, and will continue to be throughout eternity.

Have mercy on me, I know you can do it, God. You even know the trillions of creatures in the sea and sky, and designed them.

That's pretty much a typical Psalm, of course articulated more clearly. Many have a woe and a praise of how great God is. How honest of David to articulate his wrestle. How grateful I am that these are now part of Scripture and I can read them, meditate on them, and imprint them on my heart.

We are now moving on to reading a Psalm a day and a Proverb a day. I'm a fan.