Saturday, June 20, 2009

1st day after the last

So this is interesting. Once musical season hit, immediately after the November holidays and birthday trips to NJ, I have been absent from the need to reflect candidly on what's going on in my life. Over the past 8 months, a few reflections: The reactions and pre-actions to circumstance are the new root of my thinking. I'm consciously trying to be less about me. Trying to be more about Naomi. Less about my performance. More about my practice. Less about my accolades. More about speaking with Love and Encouragement to accolade others. Less about my job at work. More about my Job at home. Less about mundane and more about serving. Less about worth and more about Worth.
I have in no way completed these things. It is a significant try, where I'm attempting to posture myself with significant muscle control. My knee jerk reaction needs to take a back seat.
So we are here in Willow Valley. Nomi bear is sleeping, finally calm and clean. How much of a change from 8 months ago where exploration is less about gnawing on various toys and more about pointing, running over to, and asking whatever "this" is. Have I really missed this much? From bottle to sippy cup. Sitting limply to dancing. Smiling absentmindedly to 7 different grins. I wouldn't say missed, but missed the chance to reflect. Since returning to work, raising Naomi has been more of a gentle jog through her life's journey as opposed to a leisurly stroll, soaking up scents of distant corn fields and taking in the rolling structure of the passing clouds. More of a balancing act of 2 worlds of existance and communication rather than a fine tuning of a 3 strand chord. More of a pick up and run rather than a patterned exit procedure. Does this mean I was not meant to work? Absolutely not! These past months I have felt Peace for the work I have done, lives I have touched, and place where Mike, Naomi and I have been. As I look back and reflect I am definately hit with significant shifts in mentality as to what it means to be a mom. What it means to be a working mom. What it means to be a God centered, family helper first and a worker in society second.thank you Lord for the opportunity to soak in these experiences. Lord, grant me wisdom on how to accomplish my role of a wife and mom in my next seasons.