Truly, we are not here alone, on this earth which is fallen with much sin and sadness. But it must cross minds across the world as the nights plays on, as trials ensue, as people march on with their own lives in sought after independence, either intentionally or unintentionally hurting people and relationships along the way.
I was always intrigued with a song from the musical, Little Women, called "Here Alone." The character is Marmee, mother of four, sitting down to write a letter back to her husband at war.
Mindi Dickstein wrote these words for Marmee to sing, she begins, "My dear husband. . .
Write a letter, be inventive Tell you everything is fine. Be attentive to the distance Send my love with every line Every word should bring you closer and Caress you with it's tone. Nothing should remind you That I am here alone I can't tell you what I'm feeling. I can't talk about the war How the peeling of the church bells Brings the battle to our door I don't know which part is harder What I know or what's unknown Or raising little women when I am here alone Counting days, Praying for news Is this the life We meant to choose?... Do you know how much I miss you At this hour of the day? How I wish you were the twilight Come to take my fears away Can I manage four young women? I'm not certain I know how Will I be there when they need me? Or do I fail them here and now? I wish that you were with me Wish that I could bring you home The nights seem so much longer Now that I am here alone. I always admired the character for being so selfless and thoughtful, laying down her own trials to build up her husband, in an actual war. Across the world there are actual wars and the news is filled with snapshots of people being killed and oppressed, people fighting for their lives. I see through those windows but have not experienced what war is like in a physical sense. I think everyone, though, having experienced physical war or not, has experienced the wrestle, the inner war of the mind. I believe it's the reason celebrities go bad, money corrupts, and relationships crumble.
There is something I find interesting about the performances of "Here Alone," in particular. As we have the luxury of YouTube, I started watching some videos of performances of it, from the amateur high school student to the national tour production. I'll post a few videos below, but it struck me that more seasoned and mature the actor was, the more bitter and envious the Marmee was. As the youth fled from the faces of the actresses, the sweet protection to not-burden-the-husband-at-war fled and developed into expressions of self pity and anger at him for leaving her "alone." Is this what life has become for married people? We see plenty of it. I know plenty of bitter young, old, and middle aged women who tear down their husband's character at a drop of a hat. But I also know plenty of women, young and old, who stand as examples of a godly marriage. Seeming to never tire of building up their husbands openly. I am sure they still wrestle with thoughts, it would be un-human to not wrestle with negativism and bitterness. But it is possible to not let it overcome one's self and fall into the forbidden, "well, this is just who I am." Mike and I have been married for about 11 years. We took a vacation last summer for our 10-year anniversary and had more fun than on our honeymoon. The most encouraging part is that we met couples on their 25th, 35th, and 60th anniversary trips, and the consensus was that "the 35th is even better than the 10th!" and so on. It is a story we do not hear often enough. Grab a book on romance, and the scandal, affair, and backstabbing draws in your adrenaline. I am not well read enough to even recommend exciting books about good marriages, but maybe one day some will come my way. I am talking about candid accounts of the day to day life of people living out godly marriages with the same depth of love that we have already lived out, which can only be the beginning of the richness and decadence to a fantastically designed relationship, meant to reflect the relationship of the God of the universe with mankind.
I'll have to grab the new Francine Rivers book and see what she's writing these days.
So in these days of texting and grabbing each others attention multiple times a day, I crave those days of thoughtful communication, the letter writing days. I got really good at thoughtful communication during residency. Mike and I would need to talk about something, and I would put the issue on pause. After a 36 hour shift, then a buffer day to work through or sleep it off, we could sometimes go until Friday discussing Monday's issue. I learned what was really important to bring up and what wasn't helpful in the timeallowed. I learned how to best serve Mike when he was overtired or his brain needed a respite. I was not perfect by any means, and it came with a lot of trial and error, and prayer and counsel.
To see the progression of bitterness settling in on a married life or age, you only need to see the first 30 seconds of each video. I pray that in our real lives, the progression would be reversed. On account of the heaviness of wars in the world and in our minds, that we would be able to grow in tenderness and love towards people and not into a bitter facade of a common American expression, "I'm fine."
Very soft and kind. Gentle and loving.
Starts to get a bit bitter, softens a little
Excellent acting. Sarcasm. What is her heart really saying?
The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out. Prov 17:14
A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot. Prov 14:30
It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling. Prov 20:3
We all need to be rescued from something. I need to be rescued from gluttonous eating and checking my phone while I'm with someone else. Last month I was not able to swallow or talk well, so I needed to be rescued from being malnourished and the limitations of myasthenia gravis. My children need to be rescued from the agony of defeat when playing a family game. My friend needs to be rescued from the fear of her son possibly having a bad infection. I have many, many friends who need to be rescued from anxiety, self-consciousness, and fear. The list can go on, I'm sure you can relate to something you need to be rescued from. We have a Rescuer. This sermon by Jared Mellinger is my initial source for our Lord being our rescuer. Jared highlights the excerpt from Acts 12 where Peter was rescued from prison; "and the chains fell off his hands" while he was basically sleepwalking. So, I'm not literally in prison, but as I go
Ambush. Dread. They’re coming. Are you waiting for the refuge? Hear my voice, O God, in my complaint; preserve my life from dread of the enemy. Psalm 64:1 My prayers are usually: preserve me, preserve my family, preserve my friends. It is a rare occasion that I pray: preserve me from dread. Preserve me from the enemy? P reserve me from dread of the enemy finding me. Preserve me from my to-do list? Preserve me from dreading my to-do list. Preserve me through my upcoming surgery? P reserve me from dreading my upcoming surgery. Preserve me from failing this exam. Preserve me from dreading failing this exam. So often our minds and emotions can be led by dread, and it is exciting to know that the Lord is able to preserve us from dreading something. He is able to preserve us from fear. Hide me from the secret plots of the wicked, from the throng of evildoers, who whet their tongues like swords, who aim bitter words like arrows, shooting from ambush
One of the most tricky places to be in is to think you are alone. No one understands, no one knows. No one cares. No one could possibly be going through this. Just me. Alone. Thankfully, this thinking is not true and I'd like to offer 4 pearls of wisdom you can speak to yourself. You can thrive in a community that comes along side you, suffers with you, and you can know that the universe is not complete without you, just as you are. I enjoyed teaching this "alone" feeling to high school actors who played the roles of Jojo and Horton in a production of Seussical the Musical. I had the students write down names of great minds of the past--inventors, visionaries, and people who were famous for something great. They then had to figure out how each person must have felt proposing his or her idea to others. Like Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Edison, and Alexander Graham Bell, how must have they felt when someone rejected their ideas or told them they would
Comments
Post a Comment