My Mom's Here

Today is our 7 year wedding anniversary. When restaurant.com did not show any promising dinner solutions, we headed for the pre fixe menu at our very own Sycamore. For us, Sycamore feels as if you are in the city, with a top chef and city atmosphere, without the drive in and parking fees. Mike and I had an exceptional time together reminiscing over our last 7 years, the milestones and great moments. The hard ones that clearly "grew" us closer together, small trials that we thought were huge, and somehow we both had a black hole in both of our minds between years 2-5, which was definitely his residency. So I was in a baking mood this afternoon, and threw together two of our favorite cookies, peanut butter cup and double chocolate chip. Nothing quite goes by without an analogy in my mind, so as I was pouring the cocoa powder into the mix master bowl, a seemingly turbulent environment, the cookie dough developed into a richer, creamier, deeper color. The pale sweetness of

Once again, my silly worry didn't matter. Anxiety did not bear fruit. Energy used on churning thoughts of "what ifs" and "whys" was not fruitful. The appointment yesterday went very well, which I am very grateful for. I have had several specific encouragements this week, which I am very grateful for. (Thank you, if you were one of them!) One friend said, "just sit and know that you are in His hands." What a perfect picture of stillness and resting in an anxiety free space. I really held dear to those churning thoughts of worry this week. It's not like when you are in the middle of a worry wheel, you just realize it and jump out. Like a hamster in a wheel, in a cage. It's as if you are holding on to the wheel, and saying, "No, leave me alone in my worry wheel, I'm comfortable here, go your own path. I think I'm gaining control." Yeah, well, the cage hasn't moved but you were moving. Your scene has not changed,

Let's get a little tally of "what not to do" inspired by one of our favorite movies, "How to Loose a Guy in 10 Days." If you have an upcoming procedure, such as my thymectomy, I would not recommend goggling "myasthenia gravis thymectomy blog." Well, go ahead and google it. But if you come across an entry such entitled "My Thymectomy, to Hell and Back," you will probably get more anxious than you were to begin with. Of course, a title like that draws you in, so you probably will continue reading, and even if you do, try not to think about it past the few minutes it took you to read the entry. If a week happens to go by and you are still fretting about the aforementioned blog entry, feel free to let it go. Try not to put such a heavy weight on the things you don't understand. I can't possibly understand the first thing about making an incision in my neck and scooping down to pull out the thymus gland. Try not to read medical

We have a book called "The Care Bears and the Terrible Twos" that I grew up with. It happens to be one of Naomi's favorite books, and I vividly remember reading it to her in the beginning of November 2010. I intentionally skipped words and pages, because although reading 2 complete stories is part of her bedtime routine, my voice was starting to shake and my tongue was slurring words together when I read out loud. Throughout November, I intentionally skipped pages and read less and less, until it came to around Thanksgiving, where I knew I would scare her if I read any books for her bedtime. I remember her helplessly turning to me, saying, "Mommy, why's your voice sounding like that for?" The past few months have progressed into her learning that I wasn't the one to read her books. Daddy took over her bedtime routines, and read her all her books, and the very seldom nights where I would need to read to her, she would look at the pictures, and I wou